I’m running out of ideas. I don’t know what to do anymore. I love Stanislaus and all the friends I’ve made and I don’t want to leave it but I think I’m going to have to. I have options, but none of them are ideal.
- I could go home and try going to a community college - I wouldn’t have to pay rent if I lived with my parents again. But I’ll do whatever it takes to never live in Barstow again. That place is a black hole that sucks you in and gives you bad habits.
- I could take him up on his offer and move to Texas; which I would absolutely love to do! But the thought of jumping into living together kind of scares me because, what if I fuck it all up? I’m known to do that… but he could be my shot at getting on my own two feet again: a new house, a new city, a new state. Someone I care for and vise versa at my fingertips and not thousands of miles away. The option of school and work and new friends. But if I can’t get into school for whatever reason and I don’t have a job, I have no way of paying off my student loans that start needing payments after me not being in school for just six months… And what if he gets deployed? Then I’m in Texas, in HIS house, without HIM… But, I’d really love to go, and I’m seriously considering it although that means less family time and less visits because its a greater distance.
- I could take the theatre up on their box office job offer and just hope with all my might I make enough to scrape by and stay at Stan State.
- I could call Allenberry back and ask for the properties apprenticeship position for the following school year. Pennsylvania though? So far away! But I’d be with my best friend… Jes leaves in August.
- I could go talk to an Air Force recruiter, take the ASVAB and hope I get in. That’d help the most financially. And that’s what would make me feel the safest.
God, why didn’t AVID or high school teach me anything about this financial burden? I’ve never been so sick in my life from stress. Finals, the play just ended, my grades are slipping, my income is slim-to-none, my best friend is getting married and leaving for an internship, I have no idea if I’ll get to go back to Stan next year or see any of these wonderful people again; I’m losing my mind and I’m fading fast…